Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
