Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
