Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
