If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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