I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
