How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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