gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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