you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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