I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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