u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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