I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
please don't ironically join a cult
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