Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
