Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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