I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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