OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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