It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
