Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize