Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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