Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
