the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
