You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
