Will you blow on my dice?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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