I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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