The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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