mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
