I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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