I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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