so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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