tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
