I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
