Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We need to get me chipped asap
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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