Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
