alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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