she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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