Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
