We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
