my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
