Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
