I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
