a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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