Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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