I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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