Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
