Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
