so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
