dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
