I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
