I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
