Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
