Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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