Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
