Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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