tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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