Me too!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
