How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with