Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.