I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.