oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
