A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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