Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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