1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sobbing to NWA
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
