I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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