i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
