I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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